Back to School

I’m overwhelmed, exhausted, and terrified. Who knew going back to school could be so uncomfortable? I thought I’d eagerly await this day. I was wrong.

Let me back up for a moment, like a sentence or a short paragraph. I’m a high school math teacher. We’ve been teaching virtually (in multiple formats) since March 2020. This past week, teachers started back in the building. On Monday, students return. And all of this transitioning to something new has me feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, and terrified.

Okay. That’s my headspace. Let’s proceed.

Sloom

Sometimes I wonder what damage those fairytales we were told as children left imprinted in our psyches. Forget the idealized yet ignorant gender norms portrayed in every romance. Forget the blind hopefulness of always waiting for a happy ending. Forget the unbridled belief in magic and myth and mystery.

Maybe there’s a deeper damage to all those Disney dreams.

In the Absence of Time

In the absence of time, Einstein postulated in a quote I recall only in spirit, everything would happen at once. It was in this turbulent void of happening that I found myself moments ago speaking with a good friend, telling him I just don’t care.

I’ve reached that point, I told him, where I’m overwhelmed and just can’t care anymore. My entire emotional response system has shut down. It happens from time to time. I’ll rest, get things back in order, and start to care again–but that will come tomorrow or the day after, and I’m not looking forward right now, not today.

But are we surprised? Aren’t we all gazing back today?

Transitionals

Tonight something amazing happens: Venus will transition across the sun like the moon in a solar eclipse, but smaller. It’s an event of cosmic proportions that will not occur again for over a hundred years. It makes me think of all the times we do things that won’t happen again for some time. It makes me think of all the transitions I’ve been going through lately and all the changes that just haven’t happened yet.

I know looking at the sun is discouraged, especially without the proper equipment, but today, I’m taking a peek. Perhaps I’ll make like Venus and finally transition to better things.