It’s been a while since I wrote Maximum Occupancy Approaching. I was hesitant to post it before I got my grade back in case I had miswritten or misrepresented anything in composing the piece. I appreciate facts. I want to make sure I’ve got all of mine in order before I say anything. This is simple in op-eds and fiction. Not so simple in journalism. It’s why I want to be a novelist not a newspaper headliner.
Occupy is still around. It’s still as relevant today as it was then–and perhaps even more so because it’s still there and it’s spread further still. Their position has gotten clearer although their leadership remains sparse, and news reports abound with both the good and the bad. I remember the morning after I submitted my paper I saw a clip on the news about the protests at Wall Street: Not only did they have free yoga classes in the middle of the park, they had a library composed of hundreds of books that Occupants had brought by. There were groups to go around collecting trash and recyclables and there was a breakfast served for everyone there.
The news is late. If by now you haven’t heard, what are you reading my blog for? I’m an openly gay Jew–so I would presume most of my readers should know–and on account of this, if you’re following me, you’ve surely been following the news. So it’s no news today what I’m going most thankful for, and if it hasn’t been guessed already, then, really, why are you here?
No, I jest! Please stay! And here I shall refrain from writing “lol.”
24. The Repeal of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell
I had hoped my scathingly sarcastic and inherently ironic post a few weeks back would help push the people to seeing sensibility, and I suppose somewhat it might have worked–for not even a whole week or two after, it was successfully repealed! It’s been a long and arduous fight, but we’ve made it, my fellow monsters, we’ve made it!
Why You Shouldn’t Really Ask (Why We Shouldn’t Really Tell)
Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell is a great idea. We know this. We all know this. Why those men in politics are trying to change this fact baffles me. Of course we can all understand the reasoning for the whole thing: Straight men cannot control themselves, and since most men in the armed forces are naturally unable to think on a higher level, to put narrow-minded men around homosexuals without providing sufficient protection for the latter from the former is a ridiculous thing to do. So we made Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, to help protect these harmless homosexuals from the men who mean them harm.
Some may argue that DADT was put in place because gay men are innately and unnaturally promiscuous, that all they want in the armed forces is a good hookup and some dropped soap in the showers, but these lies are only spewed by straight men who know the truth: That this law is merely for the protection of innocent homosexuals.
Everyone knows homosexuals are no more sexual than heterosexuals, and just the same, everybody knows that straight men are much more violent and uncontrollable than gay men will ever be.
Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell has been such a tremendous success (even despite those poor homosexuals who could not be sufficiently protected from these barbarian heteros and were subjected to cruel and unusual punishments on account of it, sometimes even death), that many bright-minded men and women believe we should apply this policy to other areas of our lives. Since obviously something as amazing as this will in time become a part of everything we do, I’ve decided to write about a few tentative examples of the various applications that Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell has for us.
It’s come to my knowledge there’s only one human emotion from which all others are born and construed: Fear. It makes sense with sufficient thought, of which I’ll try to abridge adequately here: Sadness is but an amassing of worries and anger is the fight side of flight or fight–the fear response. And happiness? Simply the momentary alleviation of fear.
It’s all best illustrated through relationships, especially those of the romantic kind. When John cheats on Cindy and she’s furious with him–she’s only afraid she’s not good enough, that he’ll leave her and she’ll be alone. When Carl missed Joe while he’s at work, Carl’s only worrying what might happen if Joe doesn’t come back, if something terrible happens along the way. And when all of them are comfortable and happy in bed, their fears are for the moment set aside and they feel intimately content.
And if fear is the root of all human emotions, courage is its only cure: Merrian-Webster defines courage as the “mental or moral strength to venture, persevere, and withstand danger, fear, or difficulty,” citing it’s ultimate origins in the Latin “cor,” meaning heart. So when we’re afraid and drowning in our fear, our only anchor is truly to take heart and swim to the surface.