And when that web came, I got caught up in it. No matter which direction I pulled, the strings held me back. Each crystalline thread became a chain, and somewhere just out of sight, I knew there was a demon lurking waiting to wrap me in its poison, and swallow me whole, my lungs still full of air, my heart still beating, still bleeding.
No matter what I did, I couldn’t escape. I could change my perspective, look up or look down, turn my eyes and scan the horizon, but I was still tied in place. Only if someone could come and cut me down would I be freed from this torment. Only if I there were someone nearby.
But for all I could see, I was alone. There was no one.
It’s been one of those weeks. One of those weeks when words like “tumultuous” and “hopeless” can’t quite begin to capture the depth of your apparent despair. And though you can see that horizon–where things are happy and going about as usual, where everything is in order and the sun rises and falls as it’s meant to–you’re still caught in the Web and nothing you do can free you from it.
I haven’t been alone, though, and although nobody has rescued me with sword and shield, and although that Webmaster still lingers just out of sight, the small army that has filled my life these last few days has begun to cut away at these ropes and have given me the strength to be able to begin to pull away.
In any case, this Web has been part of the reason why I haven’t posted all week. I just haven’t felt up to it. It’s been challenging enough to work on the little homework I’ve devoted my time to, let alone make time on Tuesdays and Thursdays–my busiest days–to muster up enough motivation to write an entirely new post.
Is it a valid excuse? Yes. Is it one I’m happy with? No.
But when you’re tied up by forces that cannot release you, it’s hard to do much. It may still be some time until I’m fully free, but I await that day. Until then, I may not post as frequently, and when I do begin posting again, it’s likely I’ll be going at it with a new schedule that fits more optimally among my classes, my clubs, and my copy editing (the job I’ve gotten on campus with our daily paper, Technician; my first day is tomorrow, and it’s quite exciting, really).
So, I suppose, in some way, I am writing this merely to announce why I will not be posting another entry in my Pirkei Avot series today, which is a shame, since the teaching is a cool one:
3.11 Rabbi Hanina ben Dosa taught:
When one gives priority to reverence over wisdom, his wisdom will be enduring; but when one gives priority to wisdom over reverence, his wisdom will not be enduring.
It’s an interesting proposition, and given this week’s classes concerning mathematical proofs and Plato’s Socrates, I would normally have much fun with it, but if I tried to do anything, to force anything, it would ultimately be lacking in some manner, and I’d much rather skip a week than give you undercooked food for thought.
Next week, I should be feeling better. I’ll have undergone my allergy testing, I’ll have hopefully gotten caught up on my homework, and if I can go three for three, I’ll have figured out which days I’ll be able to post regularly.
Until then, I bid you all the best. And if ever you find yourself caught up in the Web, don’t hang in silence as the monsters creep closer. Call for help. Even if you can’t see them, there is always someone nearby.