Unlisted

I have a few things to discuss, a few things that–come next month–I must definitely find a new way of discussing. It’s only been one update so far of this sort (if that gives you any substantial hint what I’m about to do) and already the list-likeness of it makes me want to stop.

Lists are not fun.

But in the meantime, while I consider alternate methods of assessment, let’s look at my goal progress this year.

Goal #1: Take Care of Myself

To kick this off, a general word on goal-keeping: If you keep track of your goals on a piece of paper with circles colored either green or orange for success or failure (it’s a new system–last month’s tallying of checkmarks got old soon), and you keep said paper on your desk, if your desk gets overly cluttered and you can no longer see that sheet of paper, it becomes substantially harder to maintain those goals.

Note to self: Keep your desk free of clutter.

So this last week, while my goal chart was MIA, I think I drank my two bottles of water, but can’t really attest to it much. In any case, my drinking habits improved dramatically and I think I’m ready to add a third bottle weekly. My skin is certainly dry enough to warrant drinking a whole watering hose. And the fireman that comes along with it…?

Anyways, my exercising is right on par, too, although my meditative habits need improvement. Given the stress of the semester, it’s easy to exercise: the endorphins wake me up and help propel me through the day. Taking time to relax is a different story. It takes a separate kind of focus. A kind of focus that isn’t inherently obvious, a kind of focus I haven’t quite identified yet. Do I merely meditate best in other manners? Maybe that’s something I should experiment with, different kinds of meditation… After all, not everyone thinks the same way. Sitting still might work for you. Sitting still might not work for me.

This month I’m toughening things up. A third bottle of water per week, two days of exercise per week, and… just one meditation per week. If what I’ve been doing has not been working, it’s time to try something new, so instead of doing more meditation this month, I’m going to do different kinds of meditation this month. So this is where I need your help: What kinds of meditation can I try? I need it to be fairly time efficient, since time is a premium at the moment, but it needs to be something a little different than “breathe in… breathe out… clear your mind of all thoughts…”

Any suggestions?

Goal #2: Make History

This second goal has been coming along…but not nearly at intended speed. I journal at the end of the day–but lately, at the end of the day, my energy level’s past depleted. So low I need more energy just to feel exhausted, let alone have the strength and mental acuity to journal. I was doing mostly good until this last week when I didn’t even touch my journal once–not even to put it in my bag in case I had time at school. Let’s face it, it’s been a crazier week than usual, but with the semester right at its halfway point, I doubt anything’s about to ease up on me.

So what to do? I really want to up my game and write three times per week, but if twice is already a struggle, won’t three times make it even harder to keep up with? Or perhaps doing it more often will make me do less each time, thus making it more manageable? I don’t know, but I do know that I’ve fallen a little behind…by about two weeks now. If I can get current over spring break, then maybe three times a week will work out. If not, I’ll reevaluate my goals at the end of the month, but for now, it’s worth trying.

Goal #3: Hit the Road

My third goal is to finally–finally!–learn to drive, and I am very, very happy to announce that I’m finally taking concrete steps to achieving this!

For the past three weeks in a row, I’ve spent a day driving, mostly in parking lots, but this past week I did drive on an actual road for a little bit! It’s very exciting. Collectively I’ve only driven about two and a half hours this month, but that’s still more than double all my previous driving experience. I also feel different driving now than I did last. Last time my knuckles were white on the steering wheel and I got a headache just from being in the driver’s seat. Now I’m comfortable in the car, my fingers are loose upon the wheel, and I’m even holding conversations. Granted, it still feels troublesome to keep track of all my mirrors, and my stopping and starting can be smoothed out, but I’ve progressed in leaps and bounds and if I can keep up this pace, I know I’ll have my license by the end of the year.

What to do for this month? Keep going. It’s important that I have this exposure each week, that I’m building up my confidence behind the wheel. What scares me most in progressing are two things, really: First the other cars. So far I’ve been the only one on the road, so if I slip up a bit, it’s forgivable. Once other cars are added, it’s a variable I have no control over. That lack of being in charge scares me when so much is at stake. Second is speed. I’ve barely topped at twenty miles an hour, and even so, it feels so fast I begin to lose confidence in my ability to properly and safely steer the car. I know, twenty is not fast at all, which is why the thought of going even faster startles me. Just thinking about the change in momentum is paralyzing. And coupling that with the fear of crashing into another car? Sometimes ignorance is bliss–because knowledge sows too much stress.

But I’m going to do it. That is written in stone.

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