Should the world end today, there is no God.
It’s not often I speak specifically of my beliefs (mostly on account of not truly knowing the words to speak of them rightly most of the time), but today warrants it. I considered letting this day pass lightly, not saying anything but perhaps passing a shrug and a snicker, but as I was doing dishes tonight (please review A is for Action) it occurred to me that not speaking is, in the end, being silent.
And as my contemporaries would say, “You can’t make me silent with violence” (Anna Nalick, “Break Me Open”) and “I will not go quietly! I will not be silenced” (Company of Thieves, “Won’t Go Quietly”). So in their footsteps I follow: No threats will stop me. No words will weaken me. I will not stand silent. I will not stand still.
Those saying the world will end. Well, I take that as a threat.
It’s a threat upon me. In no shape, way, nor form would I be among their “saved.” I would not be accepted into their “heaven.” I would not be loved by their “god.” Gay, Jewish, rebel-in-the-making. I’m not their standard one-size-fits-all. And I don’t want to be. So when they say I’m going to hell, yes, I sit back and laugh. But when they say I’m going to hell, it’s them whom I pity.
It’s also a threat upon my beliefs. Shake that knife at me all you please, but shake that knife at my deity? Well, that’s barking up the wrong tree without any safety. You can’t justify hatred and bigotry. Direct it at me and it’s a sin against men. But direct it against God and it’s a sin against heaven.
I stand by what I said before. If the world ends today, there is no God.
A finite world means a finite creator. I firmly believe the world cannot end, because I firmly believe the world never begun. I believe in the Big Bang, I believe in tzimtzum, but I fail to believe in anything less than infinite. A lopsided figure-eight it may be spatially, but it’s more than that. Did you know infinity (at least one such form of it, for there are an infinite number of infinities abounding around us) is represented by the Hebrew letter aleph? Did you know that the letter aleph begins such words as “efes” (zero) and “echad” (one) and “Elohim” (God)? This is no coincidence. God exists in both nothingness and wholeness. There is no beginning. There is no ending. Only existence.
A slow, suffering death means a sadistic, smiling giver and taker of life. That might be your god for the taking, but (to use such a cliche, in such a remarkably ironic way) it sure as hell isn’t mine. My God is merciful and just and forgiving. All-loving, all-caring, all-endearing. He does not kill out of hatred, he does not kill out of sadness or despair. Instead, when you turn away from him (for he never turns away from you), he stands waiting with arms wide open until you return. And should you return to the earth before you return to him, I don’t believe you drift through the dirt until you reach that fire and brimstone we scientists call dynamo, but instead he lifts you again and gives you a second chance to live a life without sin.
That is my God. Maybe he isn’t yours, but it’s my God that I stand by. And when y’all tell me I’m going to hell, take it up with him. When y’all tell me the world will end, take it up with him. Don’t walk your dogma on my grass. Take your karma for drive instead.
And in case I’m wrong, in that sad state should my god be nothing more than fantasy, and should the world truly end, then I wouldn’t want to live in it anyways. So listen up, and listen quick: If I’m gone, good riddance. And if not, I’ll see you soon enough.