Yesterday sucked. Like an emotional train wreck. No survivors. One of those news stories that sticks with you, like Virginia Tech. I followed that story so much I had to stop following the news at all, I started to get so depressed. I really haven’t recovered: I’d like to follow the news again, but I’ve not been able to since then. And like then, whirling from yesterday’s distress, today doesn’t seem much better.
But feeling isn’t knowing.
In my self-penned Hierarchy of Perception, Knowing is not Believing is not Feeling. The highest form of perceiving something is that we Feel it–it’s an emotion that has no rational cause. We can’t explain it away; we can’t deny it; it’s just there. Knowing, on the other hand, is logical, is rational, is explainable. Believing is a midway step, where the trains change, so to say, when we believe something irrationally, but don’t quite have that ultimate trust in such that we truly feel it, that what we feel is what believe is what we know. And when we miss a station, miss a train, or catch the wrong one first, we have false perception. When we believe without knowing, we’re misled and confused and misinformed.
I know there are plenty of things to be thankful for today, but right now I don’t feel any of it. So let me be thankful for something I believe in, something I don’t yet quite feel, something I’m not sure I really know, but damn me if it’s a false perception–today of all days, I really don’t care.
6. I’m thankful for tomorrow.
The sun will come out tomorrow, we’re taught, and through scientific reasoning we can assume it will be so (for some large number of tomorrows, at least), but from a deeper place inside us all, it’s this hope that carries us along. Harvey Milk, first elected gay official of California who was ruthlessly assassinated on November 27, 1978, once said, “I know that you cannot live on hope alone, but without it, life is not worth living.”
That is where I will leave you today. Think about it, consider it, know it and believe it, and maybe one day, when you’re down like I am, when you think all the world has gone to hell and is never coming back, try to remember there will always be tomorrow, and try to Know–even if you can’t yet Believe it, even if you can’t yet Feel it–that hope is still here, that there’s still a reason to live.